Bill’s Saturday Musings and Observations

Good morning, sports fans and happy Saturday!

So you like to laugh? Silly question. Who doesn’t? I think a real life win for any of us is when we can have a good laugh, the kind that comes from deep down in the gut and roars out. Laughter releases all those good endorphins, you know? According to the Mayo Clinic, laughter is good medicine. When you start to laugh, it lightens your load mentally and actually induces positive physical changes in your body.

Well, I woke up early this morning and, while still laying in bed, I thought up a joke to tell my granddaughters. It just thought it up in the pre-dawn hours and I started cracking myself up. My laughter stirred my wife and the joke was so corny, that even she laughed when I shared it with her:

Q: What did the tortilla chip say when he saw the jar of salsa sneak off with the Velveeta?     A: Hey, that’s nacho cheese!

dog laughing_750x679

I thought this one was funny; maybe I laughed so hard because it was mine. I love jokes of all kinds, really, but it’s rare to hear “clean” jokes today, so I looked up a few two-liners to share with you – some old, some new, all “G-Rated” and all humorous. Enjoy and share them with your family and friends if they make you laugh!

Q: What does a nosey pepper do? A: Gets jalapeno business!

Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? A: The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup”!

Q: Did you hear about the hungry clock? A: It went back four seconds.

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? A: Spoiled milk.

Q: Did you hear about that new broom? A: It’s sweeping the nation!

Q: Why did the belt get arrested? A: Because it held up a pair of pants.

Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato? A: Lettuce get together!

LOL5Q: Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? A: He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!

Q: Did you hear about the calendar thief? A: He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered.

Q: What did one raindrop say to the other? A: Two’s company, three’s a cloud.

Q: Why did the balloon burst? A: Because is saw a lolly pop.

Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope? A: Stick with me and we will go places!

Q: What do you call a dentist in the army? A: A drill sergeant

Q: Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? A: Because the cow has the udder.

Q: What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? A: Flood lights!

Q: What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? A: it wooden go!

Q: What did the painter say to the wall? A: One more crack like that and I’ll plaster you!

laughter20 Q: Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? A: Because he wanted to work over-time!*

Q: What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? A: Urgent Tina

Q: Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? A: Because he wanted to see time fly!

Q: Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? A: He couldn’t concentrate!

Q: What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay? A: A deviled egg!

Q: Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? A: She couldn’t control her pupils!

Q: What did the alien say to the garden? A: Take me to your weeder.

Enough frivolity! Have a great week!

P.S. – If you’re a veteran, check out Friday’s short and sweet tribute “You Don’t” on PhotoandaPhrase. Aspiring politicos should read “At Least 10 Things Politicians Should Remember” on feelinthegoods. Giants fans should check out Daniella’s parade pics in her Nov. 4 posting, “Long Time No See” on Life Wins This Week ,as well as JK’s great mystery opening in his Nov. 3, “Thanks, Past Me” posting.

Peace (and joy!),

Bill M

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